


Blue Tone

by sailorloona



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Haseul and Jinsoul navigate through unspoken love, Haseul hates her job, Jinsoul is deaf and can't hear shit, Jiwoo shows up sometimes, Short n'sweet!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-17 09:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20618957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorloona/pseuds/sailorloona
Summary: Haseul hates the color blue, she meets the personification of it one day, however. It doesn't talk and it can't hear a word she says, but she learns to speak without the words. And realizes that maybe she never needed the words after all.Jinsoul likes fish, Haseul likes blondes.





	1. Play the blues for fat Albert

Blue was Haseul’s least favorite color. Almost everyday, from eight in the morning till five in the evening she would be surrounded by the depressing but calming hue. 

She liked warm colors, like red and yellow. Haseul was a vibrant person so she would make sure to fill her life with things that would give her the energy to keep the enthusiasm in her voice.

Her voice was one of the most important things in her life. One because she loved to sing. Two she was a tour guide at one of the biggest aquariums in the country. So therefor Haseul used her voice quite a lot. 

It also meant that her eyes were always filled with the color blue.

The creatures and...what she’d like to refer to as monsters were most of the time were in glass habitats filled with aqua water. The paint that they used for the walls and decorations were also blue. The lights were blue. The tiles in the bathroom were blue. 

Simply put it, everything was blue.

It was a pretty color, don’t get her wrong. But Haseul couldn’t enjoy it like the other colors. She doesn’t want to blame it on her repetitive and mundane job nor the fact the color is associated with sadness. Haseul just thought it could be prettier, more appealing to look at. 

She’s on her fourth round today. It was an elementary school class in which half of them were way too interested in turtles and the other half were interested in who could run the quickest down the shark tunnel. 

Haseul was patient but in her mind she wanted to strangle everyone of the little snot nosed- “hey miss? Why don’t dolphins have butts?” 

She’s in the middle of explaining how dolphins are the most intelligent species in the ocean,  _ unlike children _ when the question is asked. “Um I’m not for sure actually but great question!” 

The small boy is definitely disappointed but Haseul doesn’t dwell too much on it. She’s maybe gone through this thousands of times and she still doesn’t have the answers to the most simple of questions. 

Walking into the coral section that was filled with many tinier tanks Haseul anticipates the only good part of her day. Looking around at the class that were shaking with boredom she clears her throat, “Okay little guppies you can have a 30 minutes break to look at all the neat fish okay? Be back right here in 30 minutes!” 

The kids cheer and split up. The area was bigger and there were a lot of colorful small tropical fish in the tanks. There was even a play area in the middle so usually Haseul would take a short break to re-juice her brain. 

That was until  _ she  _ started coming. Haseul checks her watch and smiles. It was almost time for her totally not creepy staring session at one of the prettiest girls Haseul had ever seen. Pretty was really an understatement, as the girl was comparable to an angel. 

About two months ago, around 1pm in the afternoon. A lonely blonde waltzed through the aquarium and straight to a tank that held a single Blue Betta fish and continued to do that every few days. It was probably the fish that received the least amount of attention because you could see it in any pet store. 

When Haseul first noticed her she was giving a tour and she had kept glancing over. Soon enough the girl had vanished mid air and left Haseul scratching at her head for an explanation. 

The mysterious girl became a part of her routine. Some days Haseul would get to stare at her the whole 30 minutes, other days the girl would disappear in a flash or wouldn’t show up at all. 

It was the best part of her day sometimes. Even the best part of the week sometimes...

It was cute, the way she would squish her face against the glass. Her hands spread out as if she was trying to slip inside to swim with the fish. Haseul never really got a good glimpse of the girl’s face however since it was pressed against the aquarium. But the small glances she got a good outline of her features.

Her blonde wavy hair contrasted the excessive amounts of blue hues, while her monocolored wardrobe complimented it. 

Haseul scolded herself often by hiding behind one of the information podiums and stare at the blonde’s back, while she stared at the lonely fish. The girl wouldn’t move a muscle for ages and then suddenly she'd back off and with one swift turn she made her way out of the aquarium. 

She wondered if the girl would only come in for that one fish, or if she’d walk around the aquarium everyday. Haseul wasn’t for sure. She had only seen her in this one area. 

After a few minutes of making sure no one was needing her assistance she goes to her usually spot and waits for her own Blue Betta to come. 

Haseul was never interested in the ocean or what was in it. But if that’s what it takes to get to understand this girl more, then maybe she’ll start listening to her own information pieces. 

Pacing around the podium that talks a little bit about lionfish...nasty creatures and they reminded her of her ex a little bit. She waits for the girl. 

Her step subsides when she spots the familiar form, she was late today. Usually she was already in here by the time Haseul had made it, but she guesses that her groups delayed her sometimes. 

Mystery girl had went with black today, the only other color in her wardrobe was white. A peculiar style for someone who likes colorful fish. Haseul tries to not make it obvious that she was about to oogle this girl but if anyone were to walk by it wouldn’t take half a brain to figure out Haseul’s favorite species were blondes. 

Just ask her ex… 

The girl walks lazily and her form is lanky. To most people the blonde wouldn't seem entirely perfect. Her clothes are baggy and her hair is messy. Though it fits so well to the whole look maybe it was considered to be perfection to Haseul.

Holding her breath she watches the girl walk up to the tank. Ready for her heart to burst out into bubbles whenever the blonde decides to press up against the glass. 

Except she never does. 

Haseul steps closer, probably the closet she’s ever been to the girl when she realizes something. 

The Blue Betta died two nights ago. 

Blondie’s hands clench and she stands solid. Haseul doesn’t know what’s going through her head but it must be painful. She’s never had an attachment to an animal so she has no idea what the girl feels in this moment. 

She wonders if it’s different than being attached to a person. 

Because unlike people, pets and things in glass domes can’t hurt you. So maybe that trust is stronger. Until they disappear on you just like that. 

The blonde does her usual swift turn prematurely and Haseul starts to panic. 

Following the girl who walked a lot faster than it looks.  _ Must be the long legs compared to Haseul’s little stumps.  _ She tries to come up with something that will make the girl stay without being creepy. 

_ Hey I watch you almost everyday, just like you do that fish but um please don’t go you’re so beautiful and I could show you all the fish in th-  _

Okay Haseul’s panic was getting a little out of hand. Or should she say outta tank... _ not the time Haseul.  _ Maybe she should just tell the girl that they didn’t bring it out today. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say but her legs have started to pull her faster towards the girl. 

Haseul didn’t realize she was jogging. Blonde hair slightly bounces every time she takes a large step and soon enough it swishes to the side when Haseul grabs her elbow. 

They’re in the shark tunnel, Haseul knows because one of the hammerheads just bumped into the glass. He was new here, his name was Sanford for some reason. 

Starting to feel the heat rise on her cheeks she lets go of the girl’s elbow. Haseul didn’t understand how skin could be so soft. Her cheeks turn redder when she fully turns around. 

Mystery girl was  _ an angel.  _ Haseul squeaks at the height difference. Blondie didn’t look this tall from afar. She also didn’t look this pretty and the blue color was making her skin almost glow. Her most notable feature were her eyes and the scar that sat between them. 

Who was Haseul kidding. Every feature was getting burned into her memory. 

Especially high cheekbones that still had baby fat. Haseul would be ashamed of herself if this girl was a highschooler. 

She’s spent too long staring and now the girl was tilting her head to the side, curious to why Haseul had stopped her. 

Switching to a higher gear Haseul starts speaking a mile a second, “um so like I notice you come here a lot, not in like a stalkerish way or anything just that you’re really gorgeous and  _ anyone _ with two eyes would reme-.” Haseul stops for a moment already embarrassed at what she’s said. 

The girl is smiling at her but there’s still a hint of confusion in her black eyes. Haseul clears her throat and somehow finds the poise she was searching for. “I work here and I see you come in a lot to look at the blue betta. He has unfortunately passed away but we are working to have a memorial for him and also to find a new resident in the betta tank.” 

Haseul is prepared for the girl to start crying or something. Anything. She pats herself on the back for professionalism, she could totally be a doctor...maybe if she had the intelligence. Though to Haseul’s surprise, the girl smiles even more.

Her eyes are a bit wider now and it confuses Haseul. Did she actually just imagine saying all that. “Um Hi, I’m Haseul.” She sticks her hand out not really know what else to say or do.

And just like that her confusion disappears but her heartbreaks. The girl lifts her hands that were littered with rings and starts to make motions that Haseul could define as sign language. 

The blonde shakes her head and points towards her ears. 

She didn’t hear a thing Haseul had blabbered out. She  _ can’t  _ hear a thing at all. 

“Are you deaf?” Haseul blurts out and waves her hands around like an idiot. Of course, the blonde couldn’t understand her and gives her that same look of confusion mixed with curiosity. Slapping her hand against her forehead she curses herself for being an idiot. 

She almost gives up since she’s already ruined the first short interaction of her long-time infatuation until she feels soft hands tug at her wrist. Haseul stands there in awe as the blonde pulls her palm down from her forehead. 

The girl’s eyebrows are cutely scrunched and she’s shaking her head no at the self-violence. Haseul doesn’t know what to say. It’s not like she can say anything anyways. 

Suddenly she gets an idea, mystery girl may not be able to understand her words...but she could understand her  _ written  _ words. Hopefully, she thinks deaf people can read.

Grabbing the extremely and unbelievably soft hand she guides the blonde back to the area to where they usually are at. Haseul staring at her and the girl staring at the fish. Dragging her up to the tank she notices how clumsy the girl is and how she kept tripping on her feet on the way here. 

Haseul takes a marker out of her front pocket. She also had a half a stick of gum and an empty cigarette pack in there. She was trying to quit but with kids screaming at her everyday and the color blue leaking into her head it was hard not to inhale the stress away. 

Of course the marker was blue too. Typical. But now was not the time to be thinking of colors when the whole rainbow was in front of her. Scribbling on the glass she hopes none of her coworkers see her.

_ I’m Haseul, can you hear me?  _

She hopes it’s not rude to ask but she really needed to get it out of the way for communication. Maybe the girl was just mute and her reaction to her favorite fish dying was one for the  _ strange guest stories _ at the staff room. 

Offering the marker to the girl with a shaky hand she waits patiently for the girl to read her sloppy penmanship. 

The blonde smiles and gives her a tight nod before taking the marker out of her hands. Right below her words elegant ones contrast hers. 

_ Jinsoul. I am deaf and prefer not to speak. :] _

Jinsoul, what a beautiful name and Haseul couldn’t think of any other that could fit this girl. Everything about this girl was beautiful. 

She was also straight to the point, although she used smiley faces that were kinda...awkward. Turning from the words etched onto the glass she figures out why Jinsoul doesn't use the normal smiley emoji. It’s because the girl actually smiled like that. Haseul is a bit in awe at the moment. 

You could say she was literally stuck on a smile. 

Jinsoul continues to crumble her brain into a million little pieces by simply just looking like that. Haseul was still trying to figure out how someone could be this pretty until she was left to figure something else out. 

The blonde then points towards the glass and draws a fish and a question mark. Okay yeah, this may be a high schooler because what adult drew things out instead of writing it. Haseul eyes the marker being dangled in front of her now. 

It was almost like talking to a caveman but without the grunts and rotten smell. Not really knowing what to do, because she really didn’t want that smile to go away she scribbles out a lie. 

_ He is sleeping. _

Turning to Jinsoul it’s clear that she doesn’t believe her. Haseul takes a deep breath to calm her nerves and becomes the bearer of bad news to possibly the cutest girl in existence. 

She even starts smiling again when Haseul erases the sentence. She swears the blonde was bouncing on her feet. Haseul figured that Jinsoul must have thought the fish was just misplaced or something. 

_ I’m sorry Jinsoul. _

_ He’s died.  _

Haseul sighs and lets her arm drop limp by her side. This was worse than that one time she told Yeojin, her snotty teenage sister,that the dog had chewed up her nail art kit. She doesn’t dare to look at Jinsoul afraid of what she’ll see. 

She can’t help it when she hears a sniffle. Snapping around her heart breaks at the site. Jinsoul’s smile was long gone and a terribly miserable frown had taken its place. 

Right now, Jinsoul was the color Haseul despised. Now she hated it even more because every time she’d see the hue she’d think of how sad Jinsoul looks at this moment. She was literally blue personified. 

The girl is clearly shaken from the fish’s death and is trying hard to keep it all in. But Haseul could tell how much pain she was in, by how her shoulders trembled and how hard she would have to suck in her snot. Tears were pouring down her face and she doesn’t really know what to do, “hey...hey it’s okay!” 

Jinsoul can’t even hear her so it’s pointless. How do you comfort someone without words? She doesn’t know the answer but Jinsoul tells her. 

Haseul gasps as she’s pulled into a tight hug. Her arms flail around, everywhere besides the area they were supposed to be, as the girl sobs into the fabric of her work shirt. Haseul finally gets over the awkwardness and how fast her heart beating because the prettiest girl ever was squeezing her like her life depended on it, _ that was also crying her eyes out _ and wraps her arms around her properly. 

Soothing out the back that shook with every mumble she starts to realize that her fourth-graders were gathering around. Haseul still holds onto Jinsoul however, because what kind of person would she be to just push someone away that was mourning. 

Even if it was over something as insignificant as a tiny fish. 

But that tiny fish must have been a lot to Jinsoul, so Haseul is there to comfort her. “Hey Miss, can we eat lunch now?” Haseul thanks the heavens for giving her an intelligent child. 

“Yes! Go over there to my friend Jiwoo and she will show you guys where you’ll be eating lunch.” Jiwoo was another worker at the aquarium, but she was in charge of maintaining the health and happiness of the fish. 

Sometimes the girl would literally throw the fish little parties so they wouldn’t get depressed. Haseul didn’t even know fish could get depressed. 

But certainly, people could. Haseul holds Jinsoul, she would forever if the girl wanted her too. She fits effortlessly in the blonde’s arms but now was not the time to think of the romance. Right now she had a 115-pound baby leaning onto her. Jinsoul was much taller than her but she acted like she was tiny, which was entirely okay. Except for Haseul’s legs were about to give out. 

Haseul taps on the girl’s shoulder getting an idea. Jinsoul pulls back, ( _ Haseul’s work shirt is ruined with tears and snot) _ , and gives her the saddest look known to mankind. Haseul’s affectionate side comes out and she wipes the tears and snot from the blonde’s face. She’s surprised when Jinsoul leans into her touch. 

Maybe she was just lonely. 

It would be kind of a shame for someone this sweet to be lonely, however.  _ I mean who cries over a fish unless you have a heart made of sugar _ . First she wipes of what could be considered a violation and then she points in the direction of the staff room. Jinsoul is still huffing and puffing but takes Haseul’s outstretched hand anyways. 

Haseul leads her to the staff room, which sadly smelled like smoke and burnt microwaveable food, and sits her down in the comfy chair which was reserved to the employee of the month.  _ Which was always Jiwoo _ . 

She gives Jinsoul her sandwich that was meant for lunch, peanut butter and jelly. Of course, she writes it on the whiteboard where everyone’s schedule and tasks were in case she was allergic. Jinsoul looks back and forth between the sandwich and words before she finally starts digging in. 

Jinsoul eats very slowly, it might have been since Haseul cakes on the peanut butter, or maybe it was because Jinsoul didn’t really like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But within that time Haseul explains everything. Herself...in a non-creepy way, the fish, and why she thought Jinsoul deserved the right to know. 

The blonde takes several minutes to take in the words. Haseul watches her eyes scan the paragraph over and over again. 

Jinsoul stands suddenly and paces over. Haseul lets her jaw drop at the sentences filling up the empty space. 

_ He was my fish, I donated him to the aquarium because I thought he would be less lonely. I came here to check on him and because I missed him.  _

Instantly she’s convinced that Jinsoul has to be an angel because really. Who could be this pure-hearted? 

He hands are clammy but she still takes Jinsoul’s in her own. Taking the marker out of her hand she scribbles down. 

_ We are getting a new red betta soon, I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be lonely either. Maybe you could be his first friend.  _

Haseul pats herself on the back when the cute smile that had left for at least an hour makes a comeback. 

_ Of course, thank you Haseul for everything today and taking care of fat Albert until his last gulb :]  _

Jinsoul then gives her a longer than necessary hug and she forgets how stupid the fish’s name was. Haseul walks the girl out and waves goodbye, watching the girl in black disappear into the crowd. 

Later that night, when Haseul is comfy in her bed thinking of her unusual day. She enrolls in an online class and purchases the materials to go along with it. 

Gang Signs? Nope, LanGANG signs: Intro to Sign Language. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Hi! Hope this is good, I really enjoyed writing it! 


	2. As quiet as a train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haseul starts to learn more about Jinsoul and becomes an expert in sign language. Although she’s still not sure what to do about these feelings.

Sign language isn’t the easiest thing Haseul has learned, hell it was probably the hardest thing she’s had to learn. Jinsoul moved her hands and fingers around so fast and she could hardly keep up. 

They still had to use the white board. 

Haseul was trying really hard don’t get her wrong...it was just that she hasn’t really done any studying in a few years. She had dropped out of the music academy when she was 21, she was almost done but she couldn’t go on. 

Now she was stuck here. At least she had met Jinsoul this way. 

That’s what kept her going these days. Seeing Jinsoul almost everyday was making her forget about all her failures in life. Because now she had a new goal.

Jo Haseul’s agenda: don’t slap any children, ignore Jiwoo, make Jinsoul smile. 

She was really good at all three at this point. Although she still lacked in sign language she often made Jinsoul laugh with the things she wrote on her white board. 

Hearing that weirdly loud and off key laugh was her new life goal. Yes, it was simple. But Haseul couldn’t really think of anything else to be excited about. 

Jinsoul never talked but she did make a variety of noises. From their time together Haseul learned that Jinsoul laughs at all her jokes, no matter how bad or cheesy they are. The girl grunts when frustrated and makes small  _ heh _ noises when she thinks of something clever. There’s so many it’s like Jinsoul has her own language and Haseul is trying to decipher it. 

They’re all endearing and Haseul secretly has them all recorded and stored in a secret file on her computer. At night she listens to them and replays the memory of Jinsoul until her eyes beg her to sleep. Even then she thinks of Jinsoul. Her dreams are starting to become filled with blue and blonde. 

Haseul’s never been particularly interested in someone like this. She’s been attracted to many… _ many  _ girls, back in college she definitely didn’t contain her educational pursuit in exploring a woman’s body. 

But now, it was more than just an attraction. It was a familiarity, however, still entirely new. 

Sure Jinsoul was  _ gorgeous _ , probably the most gorgeous girl Haseul had ever seen. There was just something about the blonde though that had her thinking of things deeper than just a happy date and a goodnight kiss. 

Haseul wanted to know how Jinsoul experienced the world. It was basic human curiosity that Haseul had lacked until now. Haseul found the world quite boring. Music was once what brought color to her life. She wonders how it is to a person who can’t even listen to it. 

Jinsoul seemed so happy all the time. And Haseul knew when someone was faking it. She was good at reading a mood, because unfortunately she’s made a lot of people upset. Jinsoul smiled a lot with her teeth, but it was her eyes that gave it away. 

The only time she’s seen the girl sad was when her fish died a mere month ago. Now there was a new fish that Jinsoul stared at sometimes but the blonde mostly came for the 5’1 specimen with the bob cut. 

Dark eyes would sparkle and Haseul would find herself stuck in the headlights. The blush sneaking up her neck to remind her that Jinsoul could still see everything, that she was probably more perceptive than anyone she’s ever met. 

Their conversations varied. To things more serious like their background stories, learning about the history that brought them to this exact location. Other times, like today, they were discussing nonsensical things such as seafood. 

Jinsoul flipped her hands around and Haseul tried to pay close attention. The rings on Jinsoul’s fingers clicking together that was a bit annoying not like she could notice anyways. When Haseul can’t understand it the blond giggles and goes to the white board.  _ I really like calamari, I won’t eat any kind of meat unless it’s fried.  _

Haseul smiles and shakes her head vigorously. Her expressions were always way more aggressive around Jinsoul. Bringing her own hands up she tries to counter,  _ I like Seafood boil.  _

Around them people chatted and Haseul tried her best to drown the noise out. She wanted to focus on Jinsoul’s sounds. Though when she finishes she sees an expression on Jinsoul’s face that she’s never seen. 

_ Embarrassment?  _

Haseul doesn’t know what she’s just said with her hands but Jinsoul blushes and coughs. Asking Jinsoul what she said the blonde waves her off,  _ it’s nothing.  _

Haseul unfortunately doesn’t find out and they argue with hands and head movements until Jinsoul is laughing so hard she’s crying. Jinsoul just will not tell her and it frustrates Haseul. 

Jinsoul loved to tease and although it drove Haseul mad, it also made her insides fluffy. 

Shaking Jinsoul’s heavy shoe in her hand she freezes when she hears the girl’s belly growl and snap at her. Haseul looks down and Jinsoul is sheepishly rubbing her tummy. She didn’t hear it but Haseul knows she definitely felt it. 

She does know how to sign this, because she asked it almost everyday now.  _ Someone hungry? _ The girl looks away shyly when Haseul asks with her hands. Eventually Haseul gets an answer in the form of a small nod. 

Haseul doesn’t understand why Jinsoul still gets shy around her. It’s not like she’s told the girl some horribly detailed things about herself, like the one time she… 

Yeah, anyways. Walking into the staff lounge Haseul feels her blood freeze when she sees Kim Jiwoo sitting there with her perfectly made lunch. 

In the horrible dull staff lounge sits possibly the brightest person to exist, also the reminder of all of Haseul’s failures. 

Jiwoo wasn’t supposed to be here, her lunch was later. But of course, the girl is sitting there humming a tune while popping a grape in her mouth.  _ She’s just so cute isn’t she.  _

Haseul didn’t favor Jiwoo for a number of reasons. The primary one was because Jiwoo was everything she wasn’t. The girl had a beautiful voice and was moving across the globe in a few months because she struck a deal with a record label. 

She sang to the fish and they swam happily. Haseul sang and they would float motionless. 

Jiwoo pops another grape in before noticing them. “Oh! Hello Seulie!”  _ Haseul has told her five times to not use that name. _ Jiwoo squints at the other girl, “and mysterious blonde lady!” Haseul glares at the small girl rocking back and forth in the seat like some maniac. 

Haseul drags Jinsoul to the table, the blonde was pretty clumsy. The disease that had taken her hearing had also made her unbalanced. Jinsoul didn’t mind talking about it. She was actually pretty calm when she had carefully informed Haseul of her misfortune. 

That was another thing interesting about Jinsoul. Was how she didn’t seem to care that she was less adapted than others. Haseul would soon learn that the girl was actually more adapted than most of the world's population. 

Jiwoo instantly stands up as they sit down. The girl skips over and holds her hand out, “hi my name is Kim Jiwoo! You’re literally so gorgeous! When I first-“ 

“Jiwoo she’s-“ 

“Haseul don’t be rude! Anyways when I first saw you like wow! I th- 

“She’s-“ 

Haseul can literally hear the crack in Jiwoo’s neck when the girl snaps her head over to her. Jiwoo’s usual beaming smile replaced by an ominous stare. Haseul shuts up and Jiwoo smiles back at Jinsoul. 

“When I saw you I thought one of mermaids had escaped you’re just so beautiful!” Jiwoo flirts and Haseul digresses  _ and lowkey dies inside.  _ But she has a leg over Jiwoo this time around. The red-head may be the employee of the month  _ every  _ month but Haseul knew sign language. 

She smiles when Jinsoul is silent but shakes Jiwoo hand anyways. Jiwoo is confused at least as Jinsoul let’s her hand be assaulted. “Um What’s your name?” Jinsoul only nods what she usually done with people who didn’t quite get that she couldn’t hear them. 

A vein pops up on Jiwoo’s forehead, “aha yeah…” 

“She’s deaf Jiwoo.” Haseul says sadly. 

The red head forms an O with her mouth and retracts her hand.  _ Then Haseul truly dies inside _ . Of course Jiwoo knew sign language.  _ Understandable  _ sign language. Jinsoul is surprised and quickly the two fall into a wordless conversation. One that Haseul is shunned from. 

She watches with heart-broken eyes as Jinsoul and Jiwoo speak. Both of them relating to something as Jinsoul pouts and Jiwoo puts her hand over her heart and sighs. Haseul becomes sick watching the two. 

Then Haseul’s lunch made for two is forgotten and she becomes the third wheel. Jiwoo took it upon herself to show Jinsoul the aquarium. Becoming her own guide, Haseul idly stood by wishing she had a tour group so she didn’t have to watch this. 

They were perfect together. Both bubbly and inspirational. Haseul was a dud, nothing really spectacular about her. Now Jinsoul was going to be swept away by the amazing Jiwoo. 

Haseul was drowning too much in her jealousy that she didn’t notice that Jinsoul hadn’t laughed the whole time. Jiwoo had jokes, Haseul thought they were terrible, so did Jinsoul. The red-head laughed too much to see that they weren’t landing. 

She was about to walk away once they got to the shark tunnel. Jiwoo was signing away, showing off her multiple skills and intelligence. Many girls found that sexy, unlike Haseul who didn’t have a lot to boast about. Her voice was once it, but Jinsoul couldn’t hear that. So she was shit out of luck. 

But Jinsoul thought she was the luckiest girl in the world to have met someone like Haseul. 

Jiwoo gets distracted for a split second by a family asking where the nearest restroom is. In typical Jiwoo fashion she had to explain with way too many details, eventually confusing the family. 

It allows for enough time for Jinsoul to grab Haseul’s hand and drag them out of the tunnel and into the turtle section. Haseul is in awe and the roles are reversed when she trips on her own feet. 

Jinsoul turns and laughs at her clumsiness and Haseul’s heart even starts to lose its balance. Jinsoul held her hand a lot, she guesses it was a comfort thing. But it was all but comfortable to Haseul. It was warm and soft and entirely too unhealthy to her heart.

Her nerves skyrocketed. 

Once they’re outside the cool air hits her and Jinsoul pulls out her phone. Keeping her close by pulling her hand towards her. The blonde is smiling widely looking at her phone and then the admiring gaze is focused on her. 

_ She’s kind of boring, don't you think?  _

Kim Jiwoo boring? That was a new one, even to Haseul.

Then Jinsoul explains herself. 

_ She wasn’t human. I felt like I was watching t.v, people are not supposed to really be that perfect.  _

Her interest in Jinsoul grows. She wonders what exactly made Jinsoul think that way. The blonde smiles at her tilting her head at her silence. 

Soon Haseul returns the smile and pulls her own phone out. 

_ Let’s go get calamari.  _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haseul is finally starting to get it. The white board or notes app isn’t used as often now. Now they could have meaningful conversations with their hands. Anywhere, anytime. 

Before they were confined to the aquarium as a meeting place. Now that they had each other’s phone numbers they met a whole bunch of places and Haseul was allowed to observe Jinsoul’s reaction to a certain environment. 

Jinsoul liked...loud places. Well to Haseul they were loud. Like the mall and the McDonald's at noon. Jinsoul loved crowds and watching people. 

Haseul had learned a lot about Jinsoul lately. It was like their relationship was a speeding train barreling down the tracks with no stiff wheels. It was becoming comfortable. Haseul found herself falling for every bit of Jinsoul. 

She can only hope the blonde feels the same as she does. 

But if Haseul were to base it off how much they hold hands and the way Jinsoul blushes and looks away shyly when she compliments her. Then she’d be confident to assume that something that was there for Jinsoul as well. 

Sexuality was something they’ve never talked about. Most of the time with normal people it was the first thing Haseul would bring up. But Jinsoul wasn’t exactly...normal and someone who Haseul wanted to rush into. 

For reasons unknown, Haseul was leaving her old habits of getting to know the body first, then the mind and instead learning everything about Jinsoul she possibly could. 

Because she’s never quite felt like this before. 

Even when Jinsoul tells her the simplest things about herself she feels like she’s hit the jackpot. 

Jinsoul hated watching T.V, she only watched nature documentaries and america ninja warrior because they were fun to watch without commentary. Her wardrobe was monotoned because she thought colors represent voices but she didn’t know what hers sounded like. She also had six sisters and one brother. She was one of the oldest ones. 

Haseul learned these facts in a number of places, they texted, they facetimed (which was usually them staring at each other for ten minutes) or they went out. Jinsoul still went to the aquarium but not as often since she didn’t have a reason. 

She also wanted to avoid Jiwoo. 

The short-haired girl also learned other ways how Jinsoul communicated. Her way of thanks was bringing her face real close and scrunching her features up cutely. This had given Haseul many mini heart attacks. When Jinsoul didn’t agree with something she’d turn her head the other way and put a hand up in defense whenever Haseul tried turning it back. Whenever she wanted a hug the girl would put her hands behind her back and rock on her heels back and forth. 

Haseul was brushing her teeth thinking of the girl’s unusual behaviors. All she did was think of her, it was an enjoyable change of pace from the usual self-loathing and how miserable and mundane her life was. 

Jinsoul may have thought of herself as just a monotone color. But Haseul has never had so much color in her life. 

She hears her phone ring and immediately she reaches down to read the notification. 

_ I want to take you somewhere today.  _

They were both free today thankfully, well kinda, Jinsoul worked night shifts. So tonight she was off and didn’t need the sleep to rejuvenate. They had already planned to spend the day together. Haseul only wonders what. 

What was this  _ somewhere _ Jinsoul was talking about? 

As Haseul gets ready, she thinks it’s time for a new haircut. She clambers across her messy apartment and out into the cool winter air. 

She starts her journey to where Jinsoul had dropped a pin, Haseul has to tug her coat closer to combat the chill. Haseul hates the city, it was too loud and crowded. But she really couldn’t just up and leave. Especially now. 

Haseul’s feet keep going when she spots Jinsoul, but her lungs stop working. And the cold inside freezes her core. 

Sometimes she’s thankful she doesn’t have to actually speak to Jinsoul. 

Because the words don’t come to mind when she gets lost in how beautiful the girl is. 

Jinsoul is watching people walk by on the street. It’s noon so the rush hour is in effect and so is all the noise. Jinsoul has a small smile on her face, her eyes curiously dart over the unfamiliar faces until they land on one.

Haseul’s awestruck face. 

The blonde has a heavy coat on and baggy jeans. She fits right into the city’s aesthetic since she had a unique style and attractive swagger. But she never contributes to its liveliness. Haseul understood that this place was quite literally alive sometimes, especially at night when she couldn't sleep from everyone else waking up. 

Jinsoul struts right up to her and opens her arms. Haseul was so distracted she forgot and melts into the warmth of Jinsoul’s chest. 

They always hugged for a greeting. 

Haseul feels like a kid again. She compares her childhood to ignorant bliss, when you really didn’t know how cruel the world was. How unkind it could be to you. But Jinsoul made her forget about all that. Because Jinsoul was nothing but kind and warm. 

She hasn’t been this passionate about something in a long time. Jinsoul’s hugs that is. 

When the blonde pulls back the blissful ignorance doesn’t end because the warmth sticks to her. Just like Jinsoul’s smile. 

Haseul quickly catches the movement. 

_ Good morning pretty _ . 

Blushing she shoves the girl who quietly giggles. 

They’re on their way to their usual spot, a bodega that sells really...really good ham and cheese sandwiches. Haseul usually got that and a muffin while Jinsoul would get the bacon egg and cheese. 99% of the time, they would split the muffin.

Once they order they play with the cat on the counter. Haseul focuses on Jinsoul’s hand sneaking around her waist and the lips that plant themselves on her cheek. 

It’s been months since they met and Jinsoul’s affection was very common now. But Haseul still didn’t know how to react to how soft her lips are. 

Never going past a cheek kiss, Haseul doesn’t know what’s going to happen to her heart when the real thing does. 

Kissing was once easy to her, and although Jinsoul is one of the most down-to-earth people she’s ever met. She doesn’t quite know how to handle any of her. 

Jinsoul is calm, but she makes Haseul feel anything but calm. 

Haseul’s ears burn and her tummy knots up just like the pretzel on display. Jinsoul knowingly watches her reaction every time. 

After they get their food Haseul starts to head off towards their normal spot for stuffing their faces before Jinsoul tugs on her hand, leading her to the opposite direction. 

Haseul is confused until the girl lifts her hands.  _ Let’s go to that place I was talking about. _

She eyes the taller girl curiously. 

_ The somewhere _ ? 

Jinsoul smiles teeth and all giving her a nod for confirmation. 

She lets herself be lead away. After all, she’d follow Jinsoul anywhere. 

Haseul had lived here for years but Jinsoul must have been here her entire life. Because the girl is an expert at navigating the city. Knowing all the right shortcuts and knowing when and when not to jaywalk. She knows how to sway through the crowd without one shoulder bump. 

When Haseul sees where she’s being led to she’s not really sure what to think. 

It’s the metro station, the one that’s above ground and ruins about everyone’s life with how loud it is. 

Jinsoul’s hold gets tighter and Haseul’s hand is sweaty from all the nerves, so she interlaces their fingers to keep them locked in place. 

They make their way into a restricted area, the gate is broken down and the lock barely keeps it in place. Jinsoul wiggles her eyebrows as they slip in and Haseul has never found anything as attractive as that. 

She doesn’t know why, she’s been with trouble makers. Ones that’s actually been arrested. But Jinsoul biting her lip as she points out the graffiti on the station’s support beams really has her toes curling. 

Haseul doesn’t give it much thought. Or at least that’s what she tells herself. 

There’s a slab of concrete they settle on. It’s not the most comfortable spot in the world at first but then Jinsoul scoots closer to her and wraps an arm around her.

It’s so...juvenile really. Something that she would do back when she was fifteen. Cuddled up, eating greasy food with her crush while trespassing. 

Haseul didn’t know much about romance movies but she felt like she was living it one. 

Jinsoul’s a messy eater but Haseul finds it endearing. She’s able to touch Jinsoul more this way. Wiping off some of the cheese that gets on the side of the girl’s mouth, Jinsoul thanks her by bumping their heads together gently. 

She doesn’t realize it now, but they really don’t talk much. It’s all about to look and touch and that’s more than enough. Because really, even when she had the words, it was still not as deep as this connection. 

They didn’t really need the words anyways. 

Haseul realizes that at the same time she’s falling in love. There’s another feeling happening. 

It’s not as bold as the fluttering in her chest but it’s all the more noticeable. She comes to the realization that no matter what happens. 

She’ll never be able to forget about Jinsoul. 

Watching the girl closely as she finishes her food, Haseul smiles. This was really it wasn’t it. The moment of truth, her heart on trial. 

_ You really like this girl don’t you _ ?

Haseul nods without knowing it and Jinsoul catches her. Asking what she was nodding at. Haseul shakes her head and signs,  _ it’s nothing.  _

Jinsoul glares at her, getting her own medicine. 

Haseul looks at the figurative jury that awaits her answer. 

_ I do...and I don’t want to let her go anytime soon.  _

The jury gasps and Haseul smiles at her confirmed feelings. So she doesn’t let go, her and Jinsoul talk with expressions and flicking wrists. Until Jinsoul checks her watch and smiles.

Haseul is curious as to what the smile means. It’s Jinsoul’s excited one and the blonde pulls out something from her pockets. 

It’s noise canceling earphones. 

Jinsoul gives her the set and tells her that this place, the one where they’re sitting at right in this moment. Is one of Jinsoul’s favorite places. 

Because although she can’t hear the train. She can feel it. 

Haseul puts in the earphones and surprisingly she can’t hear a thing. The noisy city from before is completely silent and Haseul has never found it this calming. 

She looks at Jinsoul who is blushing,  _ you look really cute in those.  _

Smacking the girl she can still hear her heart pound inside her chest. Looking around she observes the city. 

It goes by slower this way, like she was watching outside of a glass dome. Just like a fish in the aquarium. 

Haseul loves it. 

Then it becomes a lot clearer when she feels vibrations under her. A train is rapidly approaching but she can’t hear the obnoxious horn or screeching rails. 

She can only feel it, the gust of wind it brings, how it makes the earth tremble from its force.

When she turns to Jinsoul, everything makes sense. The blonde is leaning back onto her hands, her head tilted upwards and the wind blowing her hair. Her eyes are closed and there’s a small smile of her face, complete satisfaction.

Haseul then understands. The world is so much more relaxing without the noise. The city is charming without its constant murmur. You can feel everything and it’s so nice. It’s a comfortable silence and everything becomes less intense without its scream. 

It tells her so much about Jinsoul. 

Now, she knows why Jinsoul likes to think of colors to noise. And why she thinks perfection is boring. Because she couldn’t hear the flaws of life. She could only see them, so it made a lot of difference when something showed character instead of telling it. Like Jiwoo, who had a perfect smile and a no-mistake attitude. 

Jinsoul couldn’t find the flaw, so she deemed her boring. 

That meant she saw flaws in Haseul. But Jinsoul wasn’t the type of person to see flaws as negative. They were the only things to make someone more interesting. 

Haseul must have been a character to her then, if she’s stuck around this long. 

After the train has passed many moments ago. Haseul waits for Jinsoul to look at her. When the blonde finally does she quickly signs,  _ thank you for showing me your world.  _

Her world was blissful ignorance. How everything was relaxed without the stress of noise pollution. How you couldn’t tell that everything and everyone was in a rush because it was silent. How you couldn’t remember if the world was still going or not or if it was taking a short break from it’s constant schedule. 

Jinsoul eyes sparkle as she comprehends the worlds and then they dart up to her own. Haseul holds her breath, creating a silence until her heart starts to beat so loud it’s the only sound that exists. 

She notices it too late, but Jinsoul has leaned forward to capture her lips. 

_ Soft  _

It’s all Haseul can think of as she kisses back. It’s slow and comfortable. Just like the city around them. But the thumping in her chest is all but that. 

Jinsoul is a good kisser, most likely the best she’s ever had. She can’t get enough. The next thing on her list of things to be passionate about, her goals in life. 

Is kissing Jinsoul. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  



	3. The color blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haseul rethinks her hatred of the color blue, when she tries to remember her mother’s voice. And when she hears Jinsoul’s for the first time.

If there was anything she hated more than the color blue it was probably snow. Haseul liked sunshine and a breeze. The type of warmth that just hugs to your skin, similar to the warmth Jinsoul gives.

It was that time of the year again, where the snow stuck to the ground and the wind would cut right through you if you didn’t have enough layers on. Her feet crunched beneath her, against the almost perfect white. She hated to ruin it sometimes but at least she had a purpose.

Haseul was going to visit her mother for her birthday.

Walking up the road she fights back the shivers by stuffing her face further into her scarf. Today always seemed like the coldest of the year which contradicted her mother’s personality. Almost hot from her temper but still the cozy warmth of her smile. Haseul was always compared to her mother. 

At first she hated it, because her mother was so successful. But now that’s what she clinged onto. Her heart would always slow down when someone would tell her she had the same smile. Because it reminded her that just like her mother, she was warm. And maybe she wasn’t as worthless as she felt sometimes. 

_ God Haseul missed her. _

The only person in her life that had believed in her. Someone that saw the perfection in her no matter how many stupid mistakes she made. That told her to never give up and to make her dreams come to life. 

_ The one that taught her how to sing. _

Haseul stands in front of the grave, the snow lightly dusting the top of it. Most of the decorations were dampened by the heavy cold. “Happy birthday mom,” Haseul says in a light voice and starts to clean up the grave sight. The last time she was here leaves littered the ground from the large oak that stood nearby. 

After she sets up all the little nick-nacks, some from her brothers and most were from her. This year Haseul had gotten her a single rose and a new trinket from the aquarium. Unlike Haseul, her mother loved the aquarium. And her favorite color was blue. 

Haseul kneels in the snow, not bothered by the cold seeping to her skin. It’s been four years now and it’s finally gotten easier. Haseul can finally talk to her without choking on a word. She visits her now, almost every month just to tell her about her life and how’s it going.

She knows the woman would probably scold her for dropping out of college and giving up on her dreams. But how could she continue when her biggest fan was six feet under.

Patting on the ground a bit she sniffles. She’s starting to realize there’s not much going on in her life, the monthly conversations are becoming all surrounded by one topic since it’s the most important thing to Haseul now.

_ Jinsoul _.

“You’d be forty eight today, crazy. I wondered if you’d have your first grey hair by now.” Haseul smiles at the memory. Of her mom getting upset when her and her brothers made a bet for when she’d get the first sign of aging. Haseul thought her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world, and millions of other people did too.

Taking out a picture she props it in the snow it’s her and Jinsoul smiling with mickey mouse standing behind them giving them some bunny ears, “we went out to one of those ice skating shows last week. Disney on Ice i think? She loved it whenever they’d do those fancy tricks.” Haseul’s mother had known about Jinsoul for a few months now, while the blonde still didn’t know her name.

Haseul swallows harshly, one day she’d be able to show Jinsoul. 

“You’d love her I think, I know you always wanted me to get with someone that fell in love with my voice first but she’s definitely an exception.” Haseul smiles, she’s never told Jinsoul that she knew how to sing. For some reason, she was self-conscious about her voice. Jinsoul couldn’t even hear her but she still couldn't bring herself to tell anyone of her past goals.

To become a famous singer just like her mother.

Haseul is building a tiny snowman as she blabbers on, “and then she got me this really pretty necklace, I don’t know how she afforded it.” Pausing for a second she thinks of something, “You know, she loves the aquarium too.” 

Maybe it hasn’t gotten easier for Haseul.

“I wish you could meet her mom.” The tears fall into the snow, slowly melting millimeters at a time. How in the blink of an eye, how could it go like this. Haseul’s life was easy, she smiled and laughed. Was well on her way in becoming signed to a label because apparently she was phenomenal.

Then it happened. Haseul lost her voice. Her mother’s voice. In a way she went deaf just like Jinsoul was. Except the silence was in her heart.

She started at the aquarium because her mom wanted her too, now she couldn’t leave because she was attached to it. Even if she could care less about all the weird creatures, and especially the color blue. 

It was starting to become more bearable now. She smiled at children and was genuinely interested in the new specimens they would get. Haseul even teared up a bit when Jiwoo left. 

The color blue was no longer a twisted reminder of how her life turned out. But instead a nostalgic memory in which she remembered how truly caring and inspiring her mother was.

She’s not for sure when she’ll be able to sing again, or finally leave that damn job. But the days were sweeter now.

Haseul was finally hearing her mother’s voice again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s almost midnight when she makes it there. Jinsoul’s job was a bit odd. She worked as a night guard at a local business corporation. It paid surprisingly well and the blonde had kept it for a number of years. 

You may think a deaf person would serve as a shitty security guard, but Haseul’s baby was exceptionally good at her job. Jinsoul was perceptive so the girl could constantly watch security cams and notice any movement. Unlike other guards who relied on sound. Jinsoul could notice the smallest of upsets in the environment. 

Haseul found it kinda sexy. The uniform that is, on the other hand she constantly worried about Jinsoul’s safety.

Walking up outside she looks through the glass. She had texted Jinsoul a few minutes ago notifying her of her arrival. Haseul squeals when the blonde comes out of the darkness of the office lobby. The ice that had settled on her heart earlier today quickly melts away.

As soon as the door is opened she wiggles her way into Jinsoul’s embrace who’s giggle is muffled by her lips. 

It was so cold outside so she passes the chill to Jinsoul who grunts when cold hands sneak under her security coat. Haseul rocks them back and forth the slow murmur of happiness flowing through her, finally warm and grounded from her lover’s hold. 

Hugs were a given between them, it always happened when they met and when they parted. It was their greeting and also their farewell. Haseul was now almost fluent in sign language but now she didn’t use it as often, because she was also fluent in Jinsoul. 

Nights alone were her study time. When she’d lay in bed, most often not being able to find the exhaustion behind her eyes strong enough to combat with her constant thinking, she’d relay all of Jinsoul’s movements and expressions. Her touches and noises. Everything that would allow her to communicate with Jinsoul without difficulty, but boy, hasn’t it gotten easy.

Because she thinks about Jinsoul an awful lot.

They haven’t seen each other in a bit, so she can tell Jinsoul missed her by the way the hug is tight and Haseul has no room to slip out. The girl hums every time Haseul’s fingers tickle at her spine and she’s quite literally melting into her. 

She whispers, “I love you.” Jinsoul doesn’t know it quite yet but Haseul says it daily. She has her head against her chest listening to the calm heartbeat. Haseul wonders if Jinsoul knows, the girl could read her like a book. Although she’s never said it officially _ or where she could never hear _, she knows there’s a possibility that Jinsoul knows just by the way she looks at her or reacts to her touch. 

Her head tilts back at the same time Jinsoul’s does, their bodies were almost in perfect sync. They’ve had a lot of practice now. 

The blonde flips her hat up ready to lean forward for a kiss before Haseul stops her with a gentle finger. Haseul could be an actress now with how good she was at making expressions. She remembers dropping out of that class, because the professor kept telling her she needed to convey emotion without words. 

She never knew what that meant until now.

Jinsoul raises a brow at her mischievous smile, already knowing that she was up to something. Haseul was but she didn’t want to give it away just yet. Backing away she almost tears up at Jinsoul’s pout, the girl stomping her feet from Haseul’s escape from her embrace.

But she ignores how adorable Jinsoul is and quickly draws the blonde’s attention to her hands. _ I have a surprise for you. _

Jinsoul doesn’t raise her hands, only shoves them in her pockets and tilts her head. Giving Haseul the eyebrow quirk. Haseul knows the look and rolls her eyes, _ oh really? _

Biting her lips she slowly nods. Jinsoul smiles at her and jerks her head at her telling her to continue. With a twirl and a bit of a jazz hand maneuver she pulls out a single keycard. Haseul forgot how to negotiate without words so it took her a whole plead case and a lot of crying to get the master key to the aquarium. 

Jinsoul questions it with her eyes so Haseul has to tell her, _ night in the aquarium. _ Jinsoul’s jaw drops after Haseul stops the motions of her hands. Haseul’s smile is so wide she can barely see out of her eyes as she hops over to Jinsoul, shoving the girl as she covers her mouth with a hand. They celebrate by spinning each other around like a couple of kids playing ring around the rosie.

There, Haseul would tell the first person about her pain. Although she was smiling now, later tonight she would cry herself to sleep.

But right now all she could focus on was Jinsoul’s smile and sparkling eyes. 

_ Haseul’s goal in life? To make Jinsoul smile _.

Haseul was exceptionally good at her job. 

Jinsoul lifts her up into a hug and spins her around. They laugh, although it’s completely silent to one of them. But laughter was much more than a noise of happiness. It was something you couldn’t really control when you meant it.

Times like these Haseul will never forget how many times she’s faked a laugh, never again will she lie to someone like that. 

Once Jinsoul puts her down Haseul has to hold her breath when lips connect to hers. Jinsoul’s boots make her even taller so she has to tippy toe to even reach the girl, sneaking her arms around her shoulders to seek leverage. 

This kiss is enthusiastic, Haseul has a mental note of every type of kiss Jinsoul has ever given her and how they make her feel. Their first kiss was still separate from the rest of them because Haseul doesn’t think she’ll ever have a kiss like that from anyone else. They still go to the train station sometimes and sit all day just to capture that feeling, they still kiss there and it’s so different.

Haseul can’t describe that feeling in the least. So she doesn’t, she just knows it’s one of the greatest in the world.

But she can describe this one, it’s eager and full of desire. One that tells her she’s done a good thing by getting this key. One that says, _ I’ve missed these lips. _ Some of Jinsoul’s kisses are slow and deep, ones that feel like lullabies. That soothe her and draw the blonde in a dreamy filter. Then there’s ones that take her breath away, her heart races to the rhythm of their lips as she tries to keep in the noises. 

It’s not like Jinsoul can feel the vibrations, or the heat of her body. But Jinsoul likes it when she holds back, because it makes her work harder to see the results.

This kiss is the latter, Haseul knows soon she’s not going to be able to handle standing on her feet for too much longer. Especially the way Jinsoul’s hands were gripping on her hips. Haseul had another language, she’s noticed it’s kinda hard to sign when you’re in a rush or when your mind is too numb to move your hands.

So she does the usually, three taps on the shoulder and a tug on Jinsoul’s lower lip. The blonde instantly knows, their bodies are in sync after all. Hence, the awkward stumble begins.

The supply closet is not an ideal place for making love, but they’ve found the stacks of paper towels comfortable from time to time.

It does help however, that Jinsoul is _ exceptionally good _at her job.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Since meeting Jinsoul, Haseul has learned to enjoy the little things.

Not everything is as annoying now. Kids are pretty interesting to watch, it’s crazy how fast emergency vehicles go, and it’s funny seeing people talk on cellphones, still making facial expressions as if the other person could see them.

The city was...something. Without paying attention to all its noise. Haseul’s discovered that there’s a lot of pretty things to look at, such as all the fountains. The lights that reflected off the skyscrapers. Although there was still one noise that Haseul didn’t mind, it was all the music.

Especially at night, the lights flashed off the miles of glass, and there were thousands of beats if you’d go far enough to listen.

Haseul smiles as she walks through the streets, she was meeting Jinsoul here in a minute to go into the aquarium that had closed a few hours ago. 

She was nervous to say the least. Haseul had something special planned. She’s been practicing all week. _ I love you _ was kinda hard in sign language. 

The wind blowing reminds her that Jinsoul could feel the same. She did show her the train station after all. What she found out to later be Jinsoul’s safe place.

Haseul several months ago would have been negative about it. Thinking of all the worst case scenarios.

But now she only thinks of all the possibilities. 

In a few months would be their seven month anniversary from the kiss, she’s known Jinsoul for almost a year now. Well she’s _ known known _her for a year, she watched Jinsoul for quite some time before ever interacting with her.

R.I.P to Jinsoul’s fish fat Albert. He was a real one for introducing her to the love of her life.

It’s crazy how time flies when your content with how things are. 

Haseul used to hate her entire existence and in some hours. Especially late at night when the loneliness is the loudest, she still does. 

It was different now, she didn’t worry too much about her mistakes or failures. She was doing just fine really. 

_ Jiwoo puts out her first single _

Haseul listened to it...a lot. Because damn could the girl sing. But her heart kinda sunk when she watched an interview starring the red head. Jiwoo looked tired, way too tired. And the usually spark in those black eyes were dull. Jiwoo didn’t seem so perfect in the studio light. 

Yeah, Haseul was doing just fine. 

What would have happened if she had toughened up and stuck through with her dream when she was at her lowest. Well she probably would have looked more empty than Jiwoo did. 

Still, she thinks that she’ll never be able to sing again. It leaves a hole in her heart.

The thought leaves her however when she spots Jinsoul, in normal fashion. As gorgeous as ever leaned up against a brick building scrolling through her phone.

Dressed all in black, Haseul’s heart still thumps as loud as it did the first day she laid eyes on her. God she was so in love. 

Jinsoul from a distant glance oozed chic and city girl coldness. But as soon as her girlfriend spots her she’s reminded that the blonde is nothing but a goofball that was biological embodiment of a space heater. 

Haseul let’s put an _ oof _ when Jinsoul hugs her. The blonde is excited for their little date. The last three have been in the comfort of Haseul’s tiny apartment because Jinsoul enjoyed her couch and cuddles. Also her dog Dumpling who fell harder for the blonde than she did. 

Returning the hug with just as much passion she smiles as she takes in Jinsoul’s scent. It was fresh just like everything else about her. Although Jinsoul liked a routine, she was unpredictable.

Giving the girl a kiss for _ hello _, she takes on of her hands and shoves it into her coat pocket. Haseul shakes around a little one handed sign language for small talk. They’ve become good enough to understand the half signs, it’s all become routine now.

_ Hungry? _Haseul pats on her tummy.

Jinsoul shakes her head.

_ How’s, _ Haseul pokes her in the chest, _ day? _

Jinsoul smiles and throws her a thumbs up.

Haseul stops when the blonde leans over to bite at her ear, shoving Jinsoul away she eyes her. Jinsoul winks to show that she’s been thinking of her and it leaves a red blush all the way down her throat.

_ Excited _?

Like a kid Jinsoul swings their hands between them and nods her head. Haseul can only smile at her girlfriend. It was amazing how happy she could be all the time. So much that it was contagious. 

It’s comfortable, their love. It’s something not too intense or scary. But Haseul knows if it would go away, it would leave an immeasurable amount of pain. 

Like the day she knew she was falling in love with Jinsoul, she knew she’d never be able to forget her. 

Romance really was the sweetest medicine. But if not careful it could leave a nasty side effect.

So far with Jinsoul, she was the best dosage of love she’s ever gotten. And she wasn’t letting go of this hand for a long time.

In a perfect world, _ forever. _

The aquarium seems much more ominous in the dark. Haseul finds herself clinging to Jinsoul. The blonde doesn’t mind it though, if anything, she deeply enjoyed it.

Haseul snuggles into her side. Finding it attractive how Jinsoul was protecting her from the big baddies in glass cages. The tanks were still lit up and the area was all but blue. When they get to the shark tunnel. Haseul could almost say it was _ pretty _.

While usually, white fluorescent lights dulled out the intensity of the blue, in the darkness the blue was almost overbearing. Somehow, Haseul found herself relaxing in the hue. 

Glancing up to her love her heart drops to her stomach. Jinsoul has never looked so...breathtaking. It’s stuck in her throat. The blue magnifies her features. The sharp edge of her jaw, the perfect shape of her cheeks.

The glow off of her eyes and the long curve of her lashes. Haseul has never found a nose this kissable. Jinsoul points up at the tank as a shark passes by, still keen on swimming late at night.

Haseul was too focused on the display beside her.

Jinsoul pulls away from her and walks up to the tank. Just the way Haseul first found her she leans against the glass. 

Tears almost sprung to her eyes, recalling all that time ago when Jinsoul was just an infatuation to her. Someone she knew nothing about, now while she knew Jinsoul like the back of her hand.

There was still things she learned about everyday. 

Sliding her way over she hugs her from behind and closes her eyes. Jinsoul doesn’t move, so they stay like that. Haseul doesn’t even know how long but she keeps Jinsoul in her hold because that’s what she knows best.

The next thing Jinsoul does scares her. It was like she was reading her thoughts now. 

Jinsoul stands in front of her after pushing her away. An expression on inquisition present on her face. Jinsoul’s not excited for some reason, even if in normal circumstances she should be. That’s why it scares Haseul. Jinsoul really was so observant.

_ Can you show me your favorite place here? _

Haseul understand the complex sentence and swallows hard. She could say no, but she knows Jinsoul would then pull her phone out to ask. Then she wouldn’t have an excuse and Jinsoul would know that there was a deep detachment to this place.

But there wasn’t, Haseul was stuck on this place. 

Often she’d tell Jinsoul she hated it here. Once upon a time she did. When her mother died, the first few months she wanted to break the glass that seemed to suffocate the animals. After some time she realized this was all she had. 

Something unchanging, stable. A memory she could always come back to without anyone tainting it. 

So Haseul sucks it up and takes her there. First she was going to take her there anyways but after some nights of considering, Haseul planned not to. Of course though, Jinsoul had proven again that she’s no ordinary person.

Stepping into the room, it's almost completely dark. The only light comes from the creatures inside.

The jellyfish dome. 

Haseul smiles when she sees the glowing animals floating effortlessly through the dark waters above and all around them. Jinsoul makes a cute noise at the site of them.

She agrees, jellyfish were beautiful in their own way. 

Grabbing her chest, the constricting feeling settled in like it always did when she thought of this place, except she’s finally here.

Jinsoul’s features are barely visible. It’s just enough darkness to hide Haseul’s pain. And after some time she starts to talk, “This was my mother’s favorite place to come.” Haseul says out loud. Jinsoul is still shifting around the area only paying attention to the variety of glowing colors.

“She always though they were pretty, how they just float around without a care in the world. She often compared me to them.” Haseul continues. Her mother had once got her a dress made. That was designed similar to the form of a jellyfish. Her mom would call her, _ the little glowing princess. _

Haseul smiles and turns the opposite way to spot more of them. “Mom always thought this place also had great acoustics for singing, she’d bring me here to show me.” Pressing her hand up against the glass she can quite remember how her mother's voice echoed off of it.

“It’s where I learned to sing to…” Haseul chokes up then. It all comes flooding onto her, like the glass broke and all the water had gushed out and drowned her.

This was her first time talking about this. Ever, not any of the countless therapists she went to. Not her brothers that gave up on her after she started day drinking. Not any of her friends that didn’t know what to do.

But to a girl that didn’t have a clue to what she was saying.

Haseul considered it a first step. Because this was the first time she was saying out loud, to herself. 

One day she’ll really be able to tell Jinsoul. But for now this was good enough. One day, she’ll be able to introduce Jinsoul to her mother. 

“She died over four years ago,” Haseul’s fault.

She should have said yes. She should have not went to that dinner party. She should have been there for her mother. 

But she wasn’t.

Now she deals with the consequence of not being able to remember her voice.

“When it happened I was about to be signed to a label and start my career.” Haseul was the reality to someone like Jiwoo. The redhead was an expectation . 

Not everything goes perfectly.

But the way you handle a bump in the road is whether it’s a mistake or not. 

She didn’t go back, she didn’t sign the papers. Haseul dropped out of college and blocked the agents numbers. Because why on earth would she keep singing after that. 

The person who gave her this voice was gone. It was unfair. 

Haseul blames herself all the time. She hated the color blue she hated the goddamn aquarium she hated everything that reminded her of her mother.

Until she didn’t.

Now she clings onto it like a blanket you can’t let go off from your childhood. Something that has been torn apart by emotion. Now cherished with nostalgia and the good memories. 

“I miss her Jinsoul.” 

“She would have loved you.”

“Just as much as I do now.”

Haseul chokes out a sob, it’s finally released. How she wasn’t able to walk into this room until now because she’d get so sick she’d run to the bathroom to throw up. But it's a relief. That the pain is pouring out of her.

It’s comforting that no one hears her.

Peaceful, no one to listen to her cries. Because there’s nothing more unsettling to hear someone wail out. She’s glad Jinsoul is focused on the jellyfish.

It doesn’t last too long, however, because Jinsoul turns around and can see the reflection of the glow on her cheeks. 

Haseul tries to stop her but Jinsoul rushes over to pull her into a hug. Jinsoul may not be able to hear her cries but she can feel them.

How they rip through her and make her body tremble. How hard her hand is clenched onto the girl’s black coat. How weak her body is supported by the stronger one. 

Jinsoul is silent. 

But she does the unexpected, because despite having a routine, Jinsoul always was unpredictable.

Haseul’s cries stop when she hears her name, it’s almost unintelligible, slurred and mispronounced along with the other words. But it’s still words, coming out of Jinsoul’s mouth. The first time the girl has ever spoken to her and she replies with silence.

Jinsoul keeps repeating it and the forth time Haseul finally understands, “_ Haseul please don’t cry.” _

Her voice is smooth and melodic.

Just like the color blue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this AU Jinsoul lost her hearing due to a disease when she was young. So she remembers how letters sound but her pronunciation is way off and slurred. 

Also I think that sometimes if trauma causes you a lot of stress you forget things? So in this instance Haseul forgets her mom’s voice.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Blue Tone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haseul begins to sing again and brings global pop sensation Kim Jiwoo to her knees. Jinsoul wears the color blue. Haseul’s favorite color.

Later that night, after she cried her heart out in the jellyfish dome. She sleeps comfortably in Jinsoul’s arms. Haseul felt so many emotions at once in such a small area. Fear, regret, and most of all relief. 

She swears time stopped as she spoke of her past. The worst mistake in her life. Pain that was unforgettable. The jellyfish seemed to sense her sorrow and floated above her. They probably remembered her mom, she was really fond of the glowing creatures. 

Haseul’s first step to recovering was probably her biggest. 

Throughout the years, she went through the phases of grief. When it first happened, she drank herself to death. The drunker she got, the less pain she would feel. She’d wake up the next day and it would take her a few hours to even remember what had happened. 

Haseul pushed everyone away. Including her then girlfriend. Jungeun. The blonde reminded her a lot of Jinsoul, but she wasn’t near enough as patient. Haseul had to deal with the constant reminder that her mom was gone, Jungeun was blunt and it was too much for Haseul. 

She didn’t want to believe the news just yet, so she broke up with Jungeun and moved out of their shared apartment. 

Second, after she had grown tired of the constant binge drinking she came to hate everything her mother loved. The stupid aquarium was the heart of her bitterness. All the sea animals were dumb looking. The children were too loud. Everything was too damn blue and it smelt like chlorine. 

Her anger has fizzled through the years. But it still burned in her chest time from time. 

Haseul thought of all the possibilities, if she had accepted her mom’s request for a ride. What would have happened if she wasn’t so selfish and made the right choice. It started to become less of  _ why did it happen _ . 

And more of why did  _ she _ let it happen. 

There was so much she could have done to change the fate. But she couldn’t change the past. So she suffered the consequences of her decisions. The loss of her dreams and passions. The loss of her career and essentially planned out life. 

The worst part of it all though. Was the simple empty feeling inside. How it was difficult to even pour a cup of coffee in the morning because it reminded her of her mother too much. The fact that her mother wasn’t here anymore to smile at her and tell her she’s done great. She missed her, that was the hardest part to come in terms with. 

That she missed her mother more than anything.

And she couldn’t simply go visit her and feel the warmth of her smile. 

The step Haseul took tonight was the most important of all. Acceptance. 

Haseul made her choice four years ago, so it was time to live with it now. It wasn’t so painful now to remember her mother, but a cherished thought that she clung to. Every memory she’d replay in her mind. Just so she wouldn’t forget them. 

How she wished she did the same thing years ago just so she could simply remember her voice. 

She likes how her life was now, she was afraid if she had continued on the path she was back then. She wouldn’t have become the person she was today. Haseul thinks her mother would like her more now. Content with her life, than the empty shell of a pop star who seemed as if they were living the dream. 

Haseul thanks her mother before she goes to sleep, in her lovers arm. She thanks her for teaching her to be kind and caring. She thanks her for making her strong. She thanks her for giving her happiness for almost twenty one years.

She thanks her mother for teaching her how to love. 

In the morning, Haseul awakes to the smell of coffee and an empty bed. She stretches her limbs and makes her way through her small home. When she makes it to the kitchen, she really can’t fight the smile that spreads across her face. 

Jinsoul is only in a large t-shirt. Cooking breakfast with what little they had. Haseul couldn’t be more grateful, it was the simple things that made her world turn. 

The world she shared with Jinsoul.

She realizes there’s no planning to sharing something as special as love with someone. But Haseul doesn’t think there’s no better time than now, when she hasn’t felt it as strongly as she does staring at Jinsoul’s back, whisking up pancake batter. 

Grabbing one of Dumpling’s toys off the ground she tosses it at the blonde’s legs. Jinsoul yelps when something touches her from behind. Haseul snickers as the blonde frantically looks around with the silliest face. 

When her gaze lands on the culprit she smiles softly. 

Haseul returns the smile. And finally tests out what she’s practice so much. 

_ I love you  _

Jinsoul’s smile drops and so does the battered spoon. 

Haseul rushes over when her lover starts to cry. She laughs as Jinsoul practically mauls her with kisses all over the face. It’s enough of a reply and they celebrate by making the messiest batch of pancakes know the man. 

The blonde cries so goofily and it’s hard to take her seriously. But Haseul knows that their love is the realest thing to ever happen to her. 

Jinsoul has taught her so much too. Including a type of love her mother couldn’t. It’s a special love, only something they could give each other. Haseul’s world became quieter and brighter the more she spent the days living in it with Jinsoul.

And every second she came to appreciate it more. What it had done for her so far. She was doing just fine, she had an amazing girlfriend and the chubbiest dog that loved to cuddle. 

She had a steady job that brought something new everyday. And a city that she has yet to explore with the new mental outlook. 

They have their own plates, but Jinsoul insists they feed each other. 

She doesn’t know what’s sweeter however, the syrup that Jinsoul drowned her cakes in. Or the kisses she gives Haseul after every bite. 

~~~~ 

One day, Haseul explains to Jinsoul a bit about her past. 

How she was supposed to be a singer and how she was  _ almost  _ successful with her goals. 

Haseul notices the sadness in Jinsoul’s eyes as she tells her about her dreams. And how they never came true. 

But she had different dreams now. Jinsoul was one of them. 

~~~~ 

The very least she could say, is that she was pissed. Haseul had explained very explicitly that she no longer dreamed of singing. That she no longer divulged in the talent of her voice. 

It was something in her past. That would  _ stay  _ in her past. 

Jinsoul, however, had taken her to a karaoke bar. Haseul’s name was written on the board. She stormed out without a word and Jinsoul struggled to keep up with her pace. 

She didn’t blame Jinsoul for being curious. For trying, it was a really thoughtful gesture. A little too thoughtful for Haseul’s taste. She wasn’t pissed at Jinsoul. 

Only at herself for being too afraid to step in front of a crowd and do what she did best. 

Something that she used to do so easily. Haseul thrived at the cheers and attention. 

But now all she could think of is how sick it made her. Haseul hasn’t sung in years, she couldn’t begin to think about doing it again. 

Haseul wasn’t pissed at Jinsoul at all. It was just a small mistake, the first time the blonde had misread her in the year and a half they’ve been together. Haseul thinks it’s impressive that Jinsoul hasn’t made a mistake until now. 

And even then Haseul doesn’t even have the heart to correct her or tell her it made her uncomfortable. Yes, it was Jinsoul’s mistake in assuming that she still wanted to sing. But it was also her fault for not explaining her feelings better. 

So she’s not mad. Haseul only wants to go home  _ alone.  _ And be in her bed  _ alone.  _ To think about tonight  _ alone.  _

Jinsoul however is pissed. Only at Haseul, for walking out and away from her. She follows her home, always a step behind her. People probably think she’s some stalker or something. 

Haseul doesn’t turn to check if Jinsoul is behind her or not. She’s only focused on how sick she feels and races home. 

When she’s unlocking her door that’s when her elbow is grabbed roughly. She turns and is met with a look she’s never received from Jinsoul before. 

Haseul learns that night that Jinsoul is aggressive when she’s ignored. The blonde has every right to be angry. Haseul didn’t explain her feelings clearly enough and now they were finally experiencing a distance. 

Jinsoul doesn’t understand at all. 

Haseul can tell with how sharp her hand movements are and how fast. She can barely keep up. 

_ What was that?  _

Haseul shrugs and unlocks her door to stumble in. She leaves it open for Jinsoul to slip inside as well. As she hears the door shut she rushes to a particular cabinet. 

Where her old friend has sit for a long time. Something she hasn’t touched since meeting Jinsoul. Jack Daniels was a good friend to her, especially for a time like tonight. 

At least that’s what she thinks. The open bottle presses her lips but her medicine is snatched away from her like a child’s lollipop. 

She even acts like a child when Jinsoul pours the liquid into her kitchen sink. 

Haseul pouts and throws a tantrum, trying to get her  _ forget about the bad feelings  _ juice. Jinsoul holds her away though as they watch the brown liquid to the last drop go down the drain. 

Jinsoul drops the bottle on the counter and puffs up at her. Haseul sighs and reads her hands and expressions. Jinsoul reminded her a lot of Jungeun right now. 

_ Are you going to explain?  _

Haseul thinks for a moment. And thinks that immaturity is the best route. 

_ Explain what?  _

The key difference between her ex and Jinsoul however. Is patience and that’s why she and Jinsoul will last for a lifetime. Jinsoul’s tensed face and knitted brows relax. 

_ Please just tell me what’s wrong so I can help. _

Haseul scratches at her nose before shaking her head. Jinsoul becomes desperate and frustrated and they go at it for an hour.

Arguing with a deaf person is a lot more peaceful. Haseul’s chest doesn’t clench with panic and no one's voice raises to get a point across. 

She realizes the louder you yell when fighting, the less the argument becomes sensible. You only raise your voice to feel like you’re winning to make your cause right and the other person’s wrong. 

All the noise makes you say things you don’t mean and come to regret later. The adrenaline gets to you and you start to lose focus of what you’re trying to convey. The whole point to begin with loses it significance. 

Haseul likes it better this way. With them discussing things on the couch with a glass of wine each. She can hear the pop of Jinsoul’s knuckles and her groans of annoyance. Eventually they use the white board, because their wrists are hurting and Jinsoul’s mind is running too fast for her hands to keep up. 

It’s actually productive and they find middle ground. Haseul explains to her that she wasn’t comfortable and she’s given up on her dream. Jinsoul asks her why, but Haseul can’t really bring herself to tell Jinsoul that. 

It’s less of an argument, but more of a heated discussion. Arguments leave you bitter and regretful for how childish you’ve acted. This has only led her to love Jinsoul more. Because the girl actually cared about her thoughts and feelings instead of correcting them and telling her she’s wrong. 

When it’s Jinsoul’s turn to express herself, Haseul learns that she will always regret her actions in some way. Haseul surges forward when the blonde starts crying while scribbling on the white board. 

Jinsoul keeps her away however. 

When the board is flipped. Haseul can feel her heart shatter. 

_ Never have I wished I wasn’t deaf. I accepted it a long time ago and even considered myself lucky compared to other people. But I wish I could hear your voice Haseul. It’s the only thing I want to hear and that’s when I realized I’m not as blessed as everyone else.  _

_ They get the privilege to listen. But I’m stuck imagining how beautiful you must sound.  _

Haseul buries her face in her hands as Jinsoul cries, it’s more of a blubber. How couldn’t she consider Jinsoul’s feelings like that. God she was so selfish. 

She was struggling to sing again, but for Jinsoul she didn’t have to struggle. For the blonde is was impossible to get what she wished for. No matter how hard Haseul would try to make it come true she could never show Jinsoul how good she was with her voice.. It hurt her so deeply it left a wound on her heart. 

For the first time in forever she wasn’t hurting for herself after an argument, but for someone else. 

Haseul was hurting for Jinsoul. 

How she wishes she could sing for the girl. She would sing for her everyday if she wanted. And just like that, Haseul finds her drive again. 

When she walked in that bar she didn’t go up to the stage in belt out like she used to. Only because she didn’t have a reason to. 

All these years she couldn’t find herself singing because she didn’t have a reason to. 

Now she had the best reason in the world to sing. For her love, she would sing for her love every day from now on. Even if she couldn’t hear the tone of her voice or the smooth rumble of her vibrato. 

On the couch, Haseul apologizes and hold Jinsoul close to her chest. The blonde soaks the fabric on her shirt. Jinsoul may have not been able to hear her sing. But she could feel it. 

Haseul holds her there, searches for the blonde’s hand and brings it to her throat. Jinsoul blinks and Haseul hears the crying subside. Her lover’s curiosity is piqued again. 

Her heart is beating rapidly and the nausea is almost too much to bear. But Haseul for once in their relationship, becomes the stronger one. 

For the first time in years Haseul sings a lullaby. The first song she ever learned from her mother. She doesn’t really use her voice, only quietly hums out the lyrics, it’s barely audible but the vibrations are strong enough for Jinsoul to feel it. 

It’s not as good as it used to be. It’s raspy and she croaks when she tries to raise her pitch. But nonetheless she’s singing, she’s singing for Jinsoul. And in the end, for herself as well. 

Tonight she’s made multiple steps to recovering from the past. For all of it, she Jinsoul to thank. Haseul doesn’t want to think about where she’d be without her now. 

At the train station that first time, Haseul realized she’d never forget Jinsoul. Now she could only see the rest of her life with Jinsoul by her side. No other way did she imagine it.

It’s a building love and it only gets stronger everyday.

When Haseul is finished the blonde raises up from her chest. Haseul thinks she’s made up for her mistakes this time when Jinsoul gives her the prettiest smile she’s ever seen. 

Haseul learns that makeup sex is especially good when you’re in love and the argument was actually successful. 

She also learns how exhausting great sex can be. 

Panting by Jinsoul’s side she slaps at the girl’s stomach who is also out of breath. She wants to go for another round, and she gives her physical signal out. 

It’s a double pat to the tummy. 

Jinsoul’s laugh is hoarse and raspy. Haseul isn’t given enough time to think of how attractive it is when Jinsoul flips back over top of her and shows her how much she loves her. 

When Haseul is sighing out her lover’s name for the nth time that night. She wonders what kinda ring she’ll have to get to fit in with the rest of Jinsoul’s. 

~~~~ 

Haseul is cleaning out the fridge in the staff lounge one day when her manager informs her there’s a new employee she’ll need to train. 

Ever since Jiwoo left almost eight months ago, Haseul had been the employee of the month most of the time. So now she was the reliable one. 

In these months without Jiwoo, the attention had sprung to her.

A lot of people complimented her smile. They would often tell her that it was the kindest and warmest smile they had ever seen. Instead of feeling the sadness wash over her heart, she would smile harder and mean it.

Haseul was a lot more friendly now to say the least, “okay give me a second and I’ll talk to them.” He thanks her and leaves her to clean mayonnaise out of the bottom of the fridge. 

It’s smelly and she doesn’t know how people can be such animals sometimes. “I always hated doing that.” Freezing at the familiar voice she pulls back from the chilly air. Jiwoo smiles at her never like before. 

It’s a genuine smile and one that tells Haseul that she’s been missed. 

Haseul doesn’t think Jiwoo has ever been prettier. Her red-hair was now a dark brown and it curled around her shoulders. The light makeup made her features even softer. 

Jiwoo seemed, relaxed. The girl was usually intense and would stress you out if you stared too long. Haseul finds herself melting at Jiwoo’s smile. Has she always been this cute? 

_ And human?  _

“Hey you!” Haseul cheerfully greets her old frenemy and goes to pull her into a hug. Jiwoo has always been so perfect and star like. But Haseul actually felt like she being hugged by a real person with real feelings. 

Because Jiwoo  _ really  _ hugs her. Haseul is surprised when the girl squeezes on tightly and leans her weight into her. When Jiwoo was leaving for stardom it was short and their chests didn’t touch. 

Jiwoo gave her a pat on the back then. 

Now her face was buried in her neck. Haseul blushes when Jiwoo inhales a little too loudly. “God you smell so good.” Haseul’s eyes widen, if Jinsoul were to see this she wonders how jealous the blonde would get. 

Haseul giggles a bit forcibly and tries to break the hug but Jiwoo persists. She didn’t think they were that great of friends. 

Finally Haseul is relieved by the longest and most unnecessary hug in her life. But then again she was just being selfish with her feelings. 

Because that hug was everything Jiwoo needed. 

The shorter woman smiles genuinely, she wouldn’t lie. It was a pleasant surprise to see Jiwoo. “You here to visit big star?” 

Jiwoo sighs and Haseul finds out she’s made a mistake asking the question. 

The younger girl shakes her head but still smiles despite the tears welling in her eyes, “Nope, I’m your new employee.” 

~~~~ 

Haseul thinks her favorite sound in the world is Jinsoul’s giggle. 

Haseul drags her through the aquarium, the blonde being her set of eyes as she walks backwards through the maze of displays and people. Jinsoul is scared by her chaotic guidance but she also can’t stop laughing. 

Her heart beats loudly and she’s wishes the blonde could hear it. Just to know how she makes her feels. 

When they pass through the shark tunnel Jinsoul plants her feet on the ground. They laugh louder as Haseul tries to pull her, eventually it becomes tuggawar but Jinsoul proves to be the stronger one. 

It doesn’t help that she’s tiny either. 

Jinsoul squats down to pull her forward. Haseul gets embarrassed when she bumps face first into Jinsoul’s chest and soon is captured in lanky arms. 

At first she tries to struggle, mad that she’s always bested when play fighting but eventually gives in. 

Another one of Haseul’s favorite things about Jinsoul were her hugs. It was unbelievable how good they were. 

Haseul sighs, everyday was something new with the girl. While all of it was familiar at the same time.

Jinsoul was so fun and her personality was playful once they finally gotten comfortable with each other. It made Haseul feel young again. It made her want the days to last forever. 

Used to whenever Haseul was bored she’d watch tv or scroll through her phone. 

Jinsoul had showed her what it’s like not being able to rely on sound to be entertained. 

Now Haseul rarely turned on her tv or played on her phone unless she was texting Jinsoul. They’d go play at the arcade because Jinsoul likes all the flashing lights and little knobs that vibrate. 

They explore restricted areas of the cities because Jinsoul was a master at sneaking around and making her feel like a teenager again.

Haseul favorite thing however was going to the park and renting a small boat just to paddle to the quietest area where no one could see them and laying on the floor of the boat. 

Sometimes she’d stare at Jinsoul as they rocked back and forth. Getting lost in how soft her eyes were. Sometimes she’d snuggle up to Jinsoul if it was too cold and she was desperate for warmth. Sometimes she’d close her eyes and just feel the world around her. How the wind would blow and the water would move them in a rhythm. 

Jinsoul has shown her so many things about the world she didn’t quite know about. 

She’d forever be grateful for her lover. 

The blonde pulls back, the lighting from the water turning her face blue. Haseul likes Jinsoul’s features in the hue, it makes her angelic. Sometimes she really thinks Jinsoul is her guardian angel sent to her. 

It doesn’t occur to where they’re standing until Jinsoul looks up. The same way she did when Sanford the hammerhead shark bumped his head when they… 

They first met. 

Haseul remembers when she was completely devastated that day because she had found the most beautiful girl in the world. Her intricate but gorgeous features turning the wires in her brain to dust. They glowed in the blue light, just like they did now.

Today, she was in love with the same girl and everything about her. The most beautiful girl in the world was hers. 

Haseul stares into Jinsoul’s black eyes that reflect the soft lighting. 

They often don’t tell each other about their love. But did they really need to when they could share a look like this? 

When did they ever need the words after all. 

Haseul wants to cry at the overwhelming feeling of love. She forgets that they’re surrounded by people and it’s not just them. Together.

Like at the train station. 

Or at park on a boat. 

Not when they only light in the room is provided by the jellyfish. 

They’re not alone in this world. But to Haseul, Jinsoul was all she ever needed anyways. 

“Ahh there’s my favorite lovebirds!” She can’t find the willpower to pull herself from Jinsoul’s gaze until Jiwoo literally pops up between them. “I said hello! I know you’re in love but your friends matter to!” Haseul giggles and shoves Jiwoo out of the way. 

Jinsoul watches them bicker, no idea what they’re saying but judging by the rosy blush on Haseul’s cheeks and Jiwoo’s mischievous smile it was about her. 

“You know the staff room is lockable I’ll just say there’s a rat in there and-.” 

“Jiwoo!” Haseul seethes through her teeth and checks on Jinsoul who is just smiling at her. 

Her co-worker is snickering it was so fun to tease the shorter woman, “what? It’s not like she can hear us.” 

Haseul rolls her eyes and scares Jiwoo off by raising a fist. She couldn’t help but smile though. Ever since the girl had returned she’s been nothing but fun and a good friend to her and Jinsoul. 

Jiwoo had slowly opened up to her about not lasting as a pop star for at least a year. The girl lost her motivation and hated the fast life. Eventually she got so tired she started to hallucinate and pass out mid-performance.

So she quit, left all her work and written songs to a greedy company that didn’t give her a dime for a broken contract. Jiwoo admitted she was happier here. Making twelve dollars an hour, singing to fish and families. 

Haseul was amazed really, it reminded her of the choice she almost made years ago. 

Jiwoo was the expectation that she had of herself almost five years ago. Now she was her reality as well. Even though Jiwoo was extremely successful she wasn’t happy. 

_ Oh Haseul it’s a nightmare.  _

She smiles as pulls Jinsoul back to the jellyfish dome. They’ve not been here since the last time. Since Haseul’s first step to recovery. 

Haseul has been practicing again. In front of the mirror. When she makes coffee in the morning, then when she’s showering late at night. 

Most of the time Jinsoul doesn’t even notice it. But she’s singing. Haseul sings her love songs almost everyday now. 

Now she’s gonna show her specialty. 

She wishes Jinsoul could hear her so she can tell her how much she loves her. If she could, Haseul would tell her every hour, maybe even every minute. 

Jinsoul let’s go of her hands instantly pulled towards the jellyfish just like last time. Haseul doesn’t feel as suffocated, she’s actually relaxed as she spins in the small dome. 

“Hey mom,” she sighs out, hoping somewhere. That her mom can still hear her. 

Haseul takes a deep breath and looks directly at Jinsoul. Whose face is pressed against the glass, her hat tipped up. Haseul thinks it’s so cute how Jinsoul wants to be impossibly close to something pretty dangerous. 

She wonders if she was dangerous to Jinsoul once. 

Closing her eyes she opens her lungs and starts to sing. It’s an opera, the one her mom always sung in her. 

“Woah!” Jinsoul jerks away from the glass when a jellyfish comes too near. Completely unaware that Haseul is belting her heart out. 

Her mother was right. The acoustics of this small dome were remarkable.

She walks towards Jinsoul who has her hand pressed up to the glass. A jellyfish idly floats by it. 

Haseul joins her and pressed her own hand next to Jinsoul’s. Her hand was tiny compared to Jinsoul’s and hers wasn’t littered with rings. Jinsoul loved her rings, each of them were special to her. 

One of these days, Haseul would give her one to go on the finger that was bare. She could only hope it would be special to Jinsoul. 

The blonde turns to her with a smile but it drops when she sees Haseul lost with her mouth moving wildly. 

When Haseul first started singing Jinsoul would often panic, thinking she was choking or in pain. 

Now she knew exactly what Haseul was doing. 

Jinsoul’s smile is formed again and she goes back to look at the jellyfish. 

Haseul is about halfway through when she hears whimpering. Opening her eyes she looks at Jinsoul who looked delightful as always. Haseul doesn’t think the girl was ever truly sad. 

She turns and her jaw drops. It’s Jiwoo and she’s a mess. Haseul turns around and Jinsoul notices it and turns with her. Jiwoo’s eyeliner is running down her face and her shoulders shake as her crying gets louder since she was caught. 

Never in her life had Jiwoo heard a voice that beautiful. 

It brings her to her knees. 

Haseul stops in the middle of the room and watches as Jiwoo bows to her like she was some god. The girl raises up with a hand clenched to her chest, “I think you have a voice of an angel Haseul!” Jiwoo cries on the floor. Not being able to handle the fact that her muse has been in front of her the whole time. 

While Haseul didn’t have a reason to sing. Jiwoo had no one to compare herself to. She thought she was the greatest singer, but no, it was her co-worker who grumbled at her from time to time. 

She had been there almost the whole time. 

“Don’t stop please!”

Jinsoul is observant, she knows all about Jiwoo. Now she doesn’t have to imagine how beautiful Haseul must sound because she just brought global sensation,  _ the sweetest voice you’ll ever hear!  _ To her knees. Jinsoul’s read all the articles and watched the interviews. 

Haseul was the sensation. 

She watches the jellyfish float. Jinsoul finds herself inflating with pride. 

Haseul is stunned, it’s her first real audience. She honestly didn’t know what she sounded like and Jinsoul didn’t either. But Kim Jiwoo was brought to tears. 

But her voice still rings in her ears. It’s basic human behavior to back track when you’ve been caught doing something. Was this embarrassing? To be caught singing by possible the best one in their generation? 

No, it isn’t. Haseul’s heart stops as the voice in her head continues. But it’s deep and smooth. 

Nothing like hers. 

For the first time in five years. She remembers her mother’s voice. 

~~~~

Jinsoul’s siblings...are just like her. When Haseul first met them, she was surprised at how loud they all were. But how quiet they would be around Jinsoul. 

The blonde was the oldest between them and whenever she was around they would gather around her and take turns talking. It was cute how they’d get mad if one of them took too much time or would get impatient. They were experts in sign language, it made Haseul feel like an amateur.

They loved their big sister more than anything in the world. 

Yerim was the youngest, she acted a lot like Jinsoul and looked up to her as a role model. The nine year old would cling to Jinsoul and beg for her older sister to let her do her makeup. 

Haseul remembers how cute it was to sit in an all purple room and watch her lover’s face be smothered in glitter. 

Chaewon was almost an adult. Her and Jinsoul’s resemblance was uncanny. Chaewon called them the blonde baby unit despite both of them being grown and natural brunettes. 

The sixteen year old’s attitude towards her however was not the best. Haseul would have to spend some time to get on the girl’s good side. 

Yukhei was only a couple years younger than Jinsoul. He was the oddball, being the only boy between three girls. He was masculine and tall always engulfing Jinsoul in a hug when they visited. 

Haseul was reminded that Jinsoul was the oldest and was quite possessive... _ something she liked to use to get her way. _ Jinsoul’s younger brother didn’t know they were an item and hit on Haseul the first time they met. 

Despite being a foot shorter, Jinsoul made the boy cry. Haseul still remember how embarrassing it was when Yuhkei grabbed her waist. 

All in all though, they loved their big sister more than anything in the world and always gave her upstanding respect.

They were having dinner with Jinsoul’s family today. 

Yerim opens the door. She loved Jinsoul the most was Haseul’s assumption. “JINDORI!!” Yerim can’t contain her excitement and yells out, jumping into her sisters arms. Jinsoul holds her up as Yerim looks over to her, smiling and waving. “Hi Jinsoul’s pretty girlfriend.” Haseul blushes and waves back. 

“Hi Jinsoul’s pretty sister.” Yerim squeals and hides her face in Jinsoul’s shoulder. The blonde questions Haseul with a raised brow but she only shakes her head. 

They walk into the warm home and Haseul takes in a deep breath. While the Jung family made her nervous, she absolutely loved being here. They made her feel safe and accepted. She felt the same comfortable relaxation that she hasn’t for a long time. 

Jinsoul’s family home was bright and decorated, unlike Jinsoul’s black and white designed apartment. She smells the aroma of food in the kitchen and bids her greeting to the rest of them before joining Jinsoul on the loveseat. 

Yuhkei gives her an awkward nod. 

Chaewon doesn’t even look up from her phone. 

Jinsoul’s father adores Haseul however and brings her into a tight hug, “ah my girl’s favorite girl! How are you today Miss Jo?” She smiles and pulls back from his embrace. Jinsoul had his smile and her mother’s eyes. 

“I’m great, and you Mr. Jung?” 

He blows her off, “please you make me feel old call me Sehong.” After being practically interrogated she snuggles into Jinsoul’s side, earning a glare from Chaewon in the recliner. 

Jinsoul pulls her closer however and shares a glare with her brother. Yuhkei sinks further into the couch cushion beside his father. Haseul waits quietly as the family talks to Jinsoul. Her eyes dart between the hands and whenever they want the blonde’s attention they wave. She wraps her hands around Jinsoul’s arms as the blonde tells Chaewon about a particular night at her job. 

Haseul hated when Jinsoul talked about being in danger but the blonde’s loved it. 

Chaewon raised her brows. 

_ He had a gun?  _

Jinsoul nods and holds her hands out showing how large the gun was. Jinsoul took the intruder down only with a taser and bare hands. Essentially she was a hero but they only gave her a 50 cent raise. Haseul wouldn’t let her go to work for a week straight. It didn’t take a lot of convincing though, because Haseul cooked her favorite meals and wore...nothing to bed every night. 

She digresses.

It was amazing watching them talk to Jinsoul. 

One day she hopes she can join their silent conversations. But for now she’d share a smile whenever one of them locked eyes with her. 

Jinsoul’s mother peeks her head out and smiles at her family before yelling for Haseul, “Seul? Can you help me with this?” Haseul leaves Jinsoul with a kiss, distracting her for only a second and the blonde watches her walk away. When her gaze travels down south Chaewon throws a pillow at her face. 

Haseul starts to get nervous, she had texted Ms. Jung earlier about needing to talk about something important. The woman is stirring a bowl of beans, the smell of sweet potatoes invade Haseul’s senses. “You needed to talk honey?” Haseul swallows the lump in her throat. 

“You know how Jinsoul and I’s two year anniversy is soon?” Ms. Jung nods and continues to prepare dinner. Haseul slips her hand in her pocket and pulls out three months worth of rent. She continues to be silent. Not for sure what to say. This was extremely stressful and she just wanted to be accepted by Jinsoul’s family. 

Ms. Jung becomes curious at Haseul’s quietness and turns. Haseul turns beet red when the woman gasps and drops her kitchen utensil. Jinsoul’s father hears it and comes running into the kitchen. Haseul quickly hides the ring and Ms. Jung saves her ass, “um just a little accident baby we’re just having a girl’s talk.” He eyes them suspiciously but eventually leaves, eager to talk with his daughter. 

“My god hurry let me see.” Haseul brings the ring back up for Jinsoul’s mother to inspect it. Her nerves start to disappear when the woman smiles and starts to cry. 

Haseul is pulled into a hug, “god it’s about time.” She’s confused by the statement but hugs back nonetheless. 

When they break apart the woman asks her, “of course you can ask her Haseul. We love you.” Her heart swells, her life wasn’t just fine anymore. It was perfect. “I’ve never seen anyone be so kind and patient with Jinsoul. She’s dealt with a lot of bad people in her life.” 

Haseul was perfect for her and she couldn’t see her daughter with anyone else. “Haseul I can tell how much you love her.” Tears spring to her own eyes as Jinsoul’s mother holds her hands. “What you two have is beautiful and every opportunity to share it should be taken.” Jinsoul’s mother has never seen a love quite this strong. Jinsoul was enamored with Haseul, and the latter was completely in love. 

Haseul shouldn’t be worried about a thing like this. When she and Jinsoul were already destined to be lovers for a lifetime,“you might not know it Seul.” The woman grabs her cheeks and Haseul closes her eyes at the sensation of a mother’s touch. “But you were already family in our eyes.” It’s all she needs to hear before she feels complete. 

Ms. Jung holds her and Jinsoul starts to miss Haseul. When the blonde walks in the kitchen she watches with a smile as Haseul relaxes in her mother’s embrace. 

~~~~ 

Standing below the train tracks, where she first fell in love with Jinsoul, she shuffles her feet in the dusty concrete. 

Jinsoul eyes her curiously, wondering why they weren’t sitting next to each other holding hands. Haseul had the ring in her back pocket and a bag full of paper notecards. Jiwoo had written them out for her because her hands were too shaky and her handwriting was bad to begin with. 

It’s their story. How Jinsoul has gave Haseul’s life a reason again. 

Putting down the bag she starts to pull the note cards out. It explains in detail all of Haseul’s emotions and feelings throughout the past two years. How Jinsoul made her feel and all the adventures they’ve been on. Her favorite places they’ve been. And the fears she’s helped her conquer. Jinsoul reads slowly. Her legs crossed and her body leaned forward. 

Haseul is starting to get near the end and the cards wobble in her grasp. It’s perfect timing, because a train is nearing. 

_ No one has never made me feel as special as you have.  _

_ I can’t tell you how much I love you.  _

_ I wish I could, I’d give anything to tell you.  _

_ But I can show you.  _

_ Just like you’ve showed me everyday for the past two years.  _

The train races above them creating a whirlwind of air. The last card shakes in Haseul’s hand. Tears fall from her eyes and drip onto the cardstock. The wind is strong enough to pull it from her weak hands, but again Jinsoul has always been the strongest. 

Jinsoul stands to catch it and flips it over. 

_ Thank you for showing me your world, now will you become mine?  _

When she looks up she doesn’t find Haseul. She finds her on one knee and Jinsoul loses her grip and the paper flies between them and off into the city. Haseul becomes deaf as well in that moment. She can only focus on Jinsoul’s features. The city around them silent. No car horns or mass of voices. Only the distant rumble of the train and the breeze that it left behind. 

Only the slow beat of their hearts. The rhythm of their love. 

It’s always been in sync. 

Haseul holds the ring high. Waiting for Jinsoul to do something...anything. 

The blonde falls onto her knees. Haseul is pulled into the same type of hug as she was the first day of meeting Jinsoul. The blonde weeps loudly and Haseul only holds her, unsure what to do. 

Until she hears her voice, suddenly the city is lively again and she can feel her heartbeat. “ _ I love you.”  _ It’s the second time Jinsoul has ever spoken to her. She repeats the three words over and over again. Haseul understands it despite the mispronunciation. Although she couldn’t tell Jinsoul how much she loved her. The blonde could tell her. 

She was taking the opportunity now. When it was only them. Together. 

In Jinsoul’s world, she was Haseul’s. 

Haseul knows the tone of Jinsoul’s voice now. 

It was blue. 

~~~~ 

“Deep breaths you got this baby!” Jiwoo pep talks her and Haseul brushes her off. The girl’s breath reeked of pina coladas. She pats her inoxicated friend’s back and turns to the love of her life. Jinsoul smiles at her and opens her arms. Haseul had a height advantage since Jinsoul sat on a bar stool. 

_ I love you _

Haseul smiles and snuggles her face into Jinsoul’s neck as the soft words tickled at her ear. Jinsoul spoke often now. But she only used those three little words. She wouldn’t have it any other way. 

When she pulls back they share an affectionate kiss that lasts way too long for Jiwoo’s liking. Haseul would never get tired of these lips no matter how many times her friend gagged. If anything she couldn’t get enough of Jinsoul. 

Her mother was right. What they had was beautiful and Haseul wanted to show it to the world. The world she and Jinsoul had created for themselves. The world she didn’t see as cruel now. But one she greatly appreciated for giving her this gorgeous angel that she could call her own. It was the simple things, Haseul concludes. 

Like the fact that Jinsoul loved her, and she loved Jinsoul. 

It was the simple word that describes the complex feeling the shared. 

One that was so special that no one else could ever experience the same kinda love. 

Haseul grabs her guitar and walks up to the stage. She loved playing at Yves’, she loved seeing people smile and cheer her on. She loved seeing Jinsoul be in awe at the standing ovation. 

Haseul loved to sing. 

Her mother would be proud. 

Her grave was not only visited by Haseul now. But by Haseul and her fiancé.

Jiwoo begs for another drink from the cute bar owner with bunny teeth. But she passes out before her argument begins. Jinsoul rubs on Jiwoo’s back as Haseul adjusts the mic. 

When she’s singing out one of her favorite love songs, she never took her eyes off Jinsoul. That’s who she was singing for in the end. It was who the song was for. All her emotions are poured into the crowd that eat it up. But they’re only reserved for one girl in the room. 

Jinsoul waves at her, a new ring on her left hand littered with them. It shined the brightest. Haseul thinks Jinsoul looks beautiful in her dress.

Jinsoul was wearing blue.

Haseul’s favorite color. 

~~~~ 

God this is my favorite thing i've ever wrote! I’m a bit sad to see it end but I had an amazing time writing it so I hope everyone had an amazing time reading it! Thank you all so much for supporting me lots of love mwah!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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